Results 6,641 to 6,650 of 16280
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11-11-2008, 11:48 AM #6641
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Thanks Mystyk.
Originally Posted by NaturalMystyk27
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I'll just have a sip of my coffee now...
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11-11-2008, 11:48 AM #6642
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That guy/girl/it is an arse.
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11-11-2008, 12:02 PM #6643
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Way back in the time of the samurai, there was a powerful emperor. This emperor needed a new head samurai. So, he sent out a message to everybody he knew for them to send a message to who they knew, and so forth.
A year passes, and only three people show up: a Japanese samurai, a Chinese samurai, and a Jewish samurai. The emperor asks the Japanese samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head samurai. The Japanese samurai opens up a matchbox, and out pops a little fly. WHOOOOOSH. The fly drops dead on the ground in 2 pieces! The emperor says, "That is very impressive!"
Then the emperor asks the Chinese samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head samurai. The Chinese samurai opens up a matchbox and out pops a little fly. WHOOOOOOSH. WOOOOOOOSH. The fly drops dead on the ground in 4 pieces! The emperor says, "That is really impressive!"
Then the emperor asks the Jewish samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head samurai. The Jewish samurai thinks, "If it works for the other two..." So the Jewish samurai walks in, opens a matchbox, and out pops a little fly. WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSHHHH. A gust of wind fills the room, but the fly is still buzzing around. The emperor says in disappointment, "Why is the fly not dead?"
And the Jewish samurai replies, "If you look closely, you'll see that the fly has been circumcised."
"We must never be afraid to go too far, for truth lies beyond."
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11-11-2008, 12:05 PM #6644
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11-11-2008, 12:56 PM #6645
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If Women Drink...
Beer
Personality: Casual, low maintenance; down to earth.
Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.
Cocktails or Blender drinks with umbrella
Personality: Flaky, annoying, dizzy, and a pain in the ass.
Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy.
Mixed drinks - no umbrellas e.g.; Scotch and soda
Personality: Mature, has picky taste; knows what she wants
Approach: If she wants you, she'll send YOU a drink.
Water
Personality: Pretentious and is looking for a serious relationship.
Approach: Don't.
Wine - (bottled, not 4 liter cask)
Personality: Conservative and classy, sophisticated.
Approach: Try and weave Paris and clothing into the conversation
Bacardi Breezer, Red Square, Archers Cooler, Smirnoff Ice, etc.
Personality: Easy; thinks she is trendy and sophisticated actually has no clue.
Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is... and you're in.
Cape Velvet
Personality: Annoying voice, bit of a tart.
Approach: Stand close and mention the alley next to the pub.
Shots and Slammers (Tequila, Vodka, Aftershock etc.)
Personality: Hangs around with male work pals or looking to get drunk...and naked.
Approach: Easiest hit in the pub, Nothing to do but wait.......
IF MEN DRINK...
Cider
He's probably under-aged and wants to get laid.
Cheap Domestic Beer
He's poor / student and wants to get laid.
Castle Lager Beer
He likes good beer and wants to get laid.
Imported Beer
He's old; he likes good beer and wants to get laid.
Guinness
The man is a rapist and will get laid one way or another.
Water
He just threw up and is trying to wash the taste out of his mouth so that he
can still get laid
Wine
He's hoping that the wine thing will give him a sophisticated image and help
him get laid.
Vodka or Brandy
Extremely horny hound, would shag a warm scarf. Desperate to get laid.
Port
Thinks he's sophisticated, secretly likes men and wants to get laid.
Whisky
He doesn't give two $hits about anything and will hit anyone who will get in
his way of getting laid.
Jack Daniels
Not as masculine as the whisky drinker, knows all about feminine activities
(knitting, crochet etc.) to weasel himself into getting laid.
Rum or Tequila
Likes fighting almost as much as getting laid.
Bacardi Breezer, Red Square, Archers Cooler, Smirnoff Ice, etc
He's gay (blatantly) - don't turn your back or pick up any dropped change.
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11-11-2008, 02:14 PM #6646
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11-11-2008, 02:20 PM #6647
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NEVER EVER EVER Will South Africa get close to that! Originally Posted by Noxide
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11-11-2008, 02:30 PM #6648
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Not sure if this is a bit much:
image00.jpg
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11-11-2008, 03:53 PM #6649
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11-11-2008, 03:58 PM #6650
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