Funnies

[Vivian]

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[Noxide]

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[mystique4834]

Genius Boyfriend

A worried father confronted his daughter one night. "I don't like that new boyfriend, he's rough and common and bloody stupid with it."

"Oh no, Daddy," the daughter replied, "Fred's ever so clever, we've only been going out nine weeks and he's cured me of that illness I used to get once a month."

Not now dear...

An elderly woman goes to the
doctor and asks his help to
revive her husband's sex drive.


"What about trying V!agra?" asks the doctor.


"Not a chance," says Mrs. Murphy.
"He won't even take an aspirin for a headache."


"No problem," replies the doctor. "Drop it into his
coffee, he won't even taste it. Try it and come back
in a week to let me know how you got on."



A week later Mrs. Murphy returns to the doctor
and he inquires as to how things went.


"Oh it was terrible,
just terrible doctor."

"What happened?" asks the doctor.

"Well I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee. The effect was
immediate. He jumped straight up, swept the cutlery off the table, at
the same time ripping my clothes off and then proceeded to make
passionate love to me on the tabletop. It was terrible."

"What was terrible?" said the doctor, "was the sex not good?"

"Oh no doctor, the sex was the best I've had in 25 years,
but I'll never be able to show my face in Mugg & Bean again."

Lol kids
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her
five and six year olds.

After explaining the commandment to 'honour' thy Father and thy Mother,
she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our
brothers and sisters?'

Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered,
'Thou shall not kill.'

[RaulRey]

[gerrit1951]

[RaulRey]

Penalty!

[emil07]

[emil07]

epicness

[Vishay]

A Serious Computer Problem

"Word Perfect Technical Desk, may I help you?"

"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with Word Perfect."

"What sort of trouble?"

"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

"Went away?"

"They disappeared."

"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

"Are you still in Word Perfect, or did you get out?"

"How do I tell?"

"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"

"What's a sea-prompt?"

"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"

"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type!"

"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

"What's a monitor?"

"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV.

"Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"

"I don't know."

"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

"Yes, I think so."

"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."

".......Yes, it is."

"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

"No."

"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

"Okay, here it is."

"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."

"I can't reach."

"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"

"No."

"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle-it's because it's dark."

"Dark?"

"Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

"Well, turn on the office light then."

"I can't."

"No? Why not?"

"Because there's a power outage."

"A power... A power outage? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"

"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

"Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

"Really? Is it that bad?"

"Yes, I'm afraid it is."

"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."

[gerrit1951]

Well This Looks Awkward

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last-photo !!!!!

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