Funnies

[Cyclonus]

[Vishay]

A man in a bar has a couple of beers and the barman tells him he owes 6.50.
'But I paid you, don't you remember?' replies the customer.
'Okay,' says the barman, 'if you said you paid, you did.'
The man then goes outside and tells the first person he sees that the barman can't keep track of whether his customers have paid or not.
The second man then rushes in, orders a beer and later plays the same trick.
The barman replies, 'If you say you paid, I'll take your word for it.'
Soon the customer goes out into the street, sees an old friend, and tells him how he got some free drinks and told him to try it too.
The man hurries into the bar and begins to drink double scotches when suddenly, the barman leans over and says, 'You know, a funny thing happened in here tonight. Two men were drinking beer, neither paid and both claimed that they did. The next guy who tries that is going to get punched right in the mouth.'
'Don't bother me with your troubles,' the final patron responds. 'Just give me my change and I'll be on my way.'



Wife: When you drink Indian i.e. desi and come home, you call me 'Rani'(Queen). When you drink English, you call me fairy. What have you drunk today that you are calling me a witch?
Husband: I am not drunk today, sweetheart!

[HornyDevil666]

Larry gets home late one night and, Linda, his wife says, 'Where in the hell have you been?'

Larry replies, 'I was out getting a tattoo.'

'A tattoo?' she frowned. 'What kind of tattoo did you get?'

'I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates,' he said proudly.

'What the hell were you thinking?! She said, shaking her head in disgust.

'Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill Tattooed on his privates?'

Well, One, I like to watch my money grow.

Two, once in a while I like to play with my money.

Three, I like how money feels in my hand.

And, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want.





Larry is recovering in room 232 at the Hospital

A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes, and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.
Naturally, the Doctor asked him, 'What happened to YOU?'
'Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our golf balls into a field of cattle.
We went to look for them and while I was looking around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end.'
'I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it - stuck right in the middle of the cow's fanny.
Still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled to my wife, 'Hey, this looks like yours!''
'I don't remember much after that'

Excellent jokes

[gerrit1951]

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Pee Wee .jpg

A nox parrot ?






A blueball factory

[Noxide]

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A nox parrot ?

I've been looking for that bird for a while now...

[Noxide]

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[Noxide]

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[gerrit1951]

Btw Nox a stoned World Cup soccer ?

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[Noxide]

Btw Nox a stoned World Cup soccer ?

price.jpg

All the good stuff is free here

[Vishay]

A man was out golfing one day when he hit his ball into the woods. he went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to him, 'If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes.'

He did and the frog said, 'Thank you, but I failed to mention that there is a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your wife will get 10 times more or better!' The man said, 'That's okay.'

For his first wish, he wanted to be the most handsome man in the world. The frog warned him, 'You do realize that this wish will also make your wife the most beautiful woman in the world, and men will flock around her.' The man replied, ' That's okay, because I will be the most handsome man, and she will only have eyes for me.' So, KAZAM - he became the most handsome man in the world!

For his second wish, he wanted to be the richest man in the world. The frog said, 'That will make your wife the richest woman in the world, and she will be ten times richer than you.' The man said, 'That's okay because what's mine is her and what's her is mine.' So, KAZAM he became the richest man in the world!

The frog asked him what he would like for her third wish. he said, 'I'd like a mild heart attack.'



A husband & wife were home one evening watching 'Who Wants to be a Millionaire.' The husband looks at the wife and says, 'C'mon honey, lets go upstairs and fool around.' The wife says, 'NO!' The husband says, 'Aw c'mon. Let's go upstairs and fool around.' The wife again says, 'NO!'

The husband asks, 'Is that your final answer?' The wife says, 'YES, that is my final answer.'

The husband then asks, 'Can I phone a friend?'