Funnies

[gerrit1951]

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[gerrit1951]

Tomato Garden


An old gentleman lived alone in New Jersey .

He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden,

but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard.

His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison.

The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty sad because it looks like

I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year.

I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot.

I know if you were here my troubles would be over.

I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like

the old days.

Love, Papa

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Papa,
Don't dig up that garden.
That's where the bodies are buried.
Love, Vinnie

At 4 a.m. the next morning,

FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up

the entire area without finding any bodies.

They apologized to the old man and left.

That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Papa,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now.

That's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love you,

Vinnie

[Vishay]

A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full-length mirror taking a hard look at herself.
"You know, dear," she says, "I look in the mirror, and I see a middle-aged woman. My face is all getting wrinkled, my hair is going grey, my shoulders are hunched over, I've got fat legs, and my arms are all flabby." She turns to her husband and says, "Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself."
He studies hard for a moment thinking about it and then says in a soft, thoughtful voice, "Well, there's nothing wrong with your eyesight...

[gerrit1951]

Obama is spying us online.jpgringtone.jpg

[No1Eye]

I need a 6 month vacation, twice a year :p

[Noxide]

download.jpg..............

[gerrit1951]

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[Michelle]

A Mom visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl roommate.
During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help, but notice how pretty his roommate was.
She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious....
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between him and his roommate than meet the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts, his son volunteered, “I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you,we are just roommates."

About a week later, his roommate came to him saying, “Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver plate.
You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
He said ,"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure."
He sat down and wrote :
Dear Mother:
I'm not saying that you ‘did' take the silver plate from my house, I'm not saying that you ‘did not' take the silver plate, But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love, your son.

Several days later, he received an email from his Mother which read:
Dear Son: I'm not saying that you ‘do' sleep with your roommate, and I'm not saying that you ‘do not' sleep with her,
But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the silver plate by now, under her pillow…
Love, Mom.

[No1Eye]

Ahahaha --->

A wife treats her man by taking him to a Strip Club for his birthday...
At The Club, The Doorman Says, "Hey Johnny, How are You?"
The wife asks, "How does he know you?
Johnny says, "Oh dear, I play football with him."
Inside the Bartender Says, "The Usual, Johnny?"
Johnny says to Wife, "Before you say anything, he's on the Darts Team."
Next a stripper Says, "Hi Johnny! Do You Crave the Special Again?"
The wife storms out dragging Johnny with her and jumps into a taxi...
The Taxi driver Says, "Hey Johnny Boy! You picked up an ugly one this time..."

[gerrit1951]

Dutch Parliament

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