Funnies

[James]

Bird Watching FAIL

[James]

Shut up, I'm trying to concentrate

[James]

Spelling is important

[James]

Business hours

[Kevin]

Attachment 18990

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[kencck]

NICKNAMES
>
> - If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will
> call each other
> Laura, Kate and Sarah.
> - If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will
> affectionately refer to each
> other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.
>
>
> EATING OUT
>
> - When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each
> throw in $20, even
> though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have
> anything smaller and
> none will actually admit they want change back.
> - When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket
> calculators.
>
>
> MONEY
>
> - A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
> - A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she
> doesn't need but it's on
> sale.
>
>
> BATHROOMS
>
> - A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and
> toothpaste,
> shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel
> - The average number of items in the typical woman's
> bathroom is 337. A
> man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these
> items.
>
>
> ARGUMENTS
>
> - A woman has the last word in any argument.
> - Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a
> new argument.
>
>
> FUTURE
>
> - A woman worries about the future until she gets a
> husband.
> - A man never worries about the future until he gets a
> wife.
>
>
> SUCCESS
>
> - A successful man is one who makes more money than his
> wife can spend.
> - A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
>
>
> MARRIAGE
>
> - A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he
> doesn't.
> - A man marries a woman expecting that she won't
> change, but she does.
>
>
> DRESSING UP
>
> - A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the
> plants, empty the
> trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
> - A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
>
>
> NATURAL
>
> - Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
> - Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
>
>
> OFFSPRING
>
> - Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children.
> She knows about
> dentist appointments and romances, best friends,
> favorite foods, secret
> fears and hopes and dreams.
> - A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in
> the house.
>
>
> THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
> A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no
> use in two people
> remembering the same thing!
>

[Noxide]

Question: What is the difference between men and puppies?
Answer: Puppies grow up.


Question: Why do men always have a stupid look on their faces?
Answer: Because they are...


Question: What do men have in common with ceramic tiles?
Answer: Lay them properly once and you can walk all over them
forever.


Question: If you drop a man and a brick out of a plane, which one
would hit the ground first?
Answer: Who cares?????


Question: What did God say after he created man?
Answer: I can do better than this! And then he created woman!!!.


Question: What's the difference between an intelligent man & a UFO?
Answer: I don't know, I've never seen either.


Question: What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
Answer: i) no mind ii) no business


Question: Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years?
Answer:! Because even back then men wouldn't ask for directions.

Question: What is the difference between men and pigs?
Answer: Pigs don't turn into men when they drink...


Question: What makes men chase women they have no intention of
marrying?
Answer: The same urge that makes dogs chase vehicles they have no
intention of driving.

Question: What do you do with a man who thinks he's God's gift?
Answer: Exchange him!!


Question: Why do men like smart women?
Answer: Opposites attract.

[Noxide]

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem?'
Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should?be in the 3rd grade too!'

Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.
Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'

Harry: '9.'

Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?'

Harry: '36.'

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.
The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, 'I think Harry can go to the 3rdgrade.'

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, 'Let me ask him some questions.'

The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?'

Harry, after a moment:'Legs.'

Ms Brooks: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'

The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!

Harry replied: 'Pockets.'

Ms. Brooks: 'What does a dog do that a man steps into?'

Harry: 'Pants.'

Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious andcontains thin, whitish liquid?'

Harry: 'Coconut.'

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.
Ms. Brooks: 'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?'
The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, 'Bubble gum.'

Ms. Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?'

Harry: 'Shake hands.'

The principal was trembling.

Ms. Brooks: 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?'

Harry: 'Firetruck.'

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, 'Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong....

[Noxide]

I live on a farm and times are pretty hard as the area I live in is considered economically depressed.

It's so bad, that I've heard some of our neighbors were having a hard time making ends meet.

This morning, I woke up to hear a knock at the door. When I went to answer the door -- this is the sad sight that I saw.

Please scroll down, to see for yourself!!













































kittywork.jpg

[Noxide]

A fellow told her he was bringing her home to Maw, but he brought her
home to paw.