Funnies

[Noxide]

Beer_2.jpg

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[Noxide]

A polar bear and a penguin were walking along the snowdunes one day when the polar bear fell down a chasm.

Try as he might, the poor polar bear couldn't get out.

The penguin did everything he could think of, but he couldn't rescue his friend.

Then a thought struck him! He said, "Hold on for a few minutes, I'll be right back!"

He then ran off and returned in a few minutes driving his red Ferrari.

He backed it up to the edge of the chasm and tied a rope to the end.

With his friend holding on to the rope, he was able to pull him out to safety.

After the polar bear thanked the penguin for saving his life, they continued on their walk.

Later on that very same day, the penguin fell into a similar chasm.

Now, as everyone knows, polar bears can't drive. So it looked bad for the penguin.

Then the polar bear had an idea!

He allowed his penis to swing down into the chasm, all the way to the bottom.

The penguin gladly used it to climb his way to the top!

The moral of this story is: If you have a big enough penis, you don't need a Ferrari.

[Noxide]

The teacher asked one of her students a math problem:
If you have 3 birds sitting on a fence and someone shoots one, how many
would you have left?
The boy replied, "None."
The teacher said, "I'll ask you again: If there's 3 birds on the fence
and one gets shot, how many are left?"
The boy again replied, "None."
She asked, "Well how do you figure that?"
He said, "If one bird gets shot, the others will fly away."
She said, "Well that's not exactly the answer I'm looking for, but I
like the way you think."
The boy said, "I'm going to ask you a question--There's 3 women on a
park bench eating ice cream cones; one's licking, one's biting and
one's sucking,
Which one is married?"
The teacher looked confused and the boy said again, "There's 3 women
eating ice cream cones: one's licking, one's biting, and one's sucking.
Which one is married?"
The teacher replied, "I guess it's the one sucking."
The boy said, "It's the woman with the wedding ring, but I like the way
you think!"

[Kevin]

Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O'Leary's apartment when Paddy Murphy loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other five continue playing standing up.

Michael O'Conner looks around and asks, "Well, me boys, someone got's to tell Paddy's wife. Who will it be?" They draw straws. Paul Gallagher picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse.

"Discreet??? I'm the most discreet Irishmen you'll ever meet. Discretion is me middle name. Leave it to me."

Gallagher goes over to Murphy's house and knocks on the door. Mrs. Murphy answers, and asks what he wants. Gallagher declares, "Your husband just lost $500, and is afraid to come home."

"Tell him to drop dead!", says Murphy's wife.

"I'll go tell him." says Gallagher.

[Kevin]

Noxide staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing.
The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention, but Noxide continues to sit there.
Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.
Noxide mumbles, "Ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either."

[Noxide]

Noxide staggers into a Catholic church...

Gee thanks Kevin. Making my good name bad...

[Andy]

Noxide staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing.
The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention, but Noxide continues to sit there.
Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.
Noxide mumbles, "Ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either."

lol, thats the best joke ive heard all day

[Rebel]

even though it was bad for your name noxide it was also very funnie... i think that we should make more jokes with your name...

[Kevin]

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other person is the husband.

[DipShyt]

Good to know. Was the one who hit you.... you know...??

It was an old man of 59...
It's apparently his first accident, if that's how he usually drives, I'm REALLY surprised...

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other person is the husband.

Now that's the truth