Funnies

[EvilSpaghetti]

Policeman: 'When I saw you coming round that bend I thought, "Forty-five at least".'
Woman motorist: 'Well, I always look older in this hat.'

[EvilSpaghetti]

A young lady was driving through a built-up area at about 70 mph when she noticed a motorcycle policeman on her tail. She increased her speed to 80 mph but the cop hung grimly on her tail. She put her foot down and pushed the car up to 90, drawing rapidly away from her pursuer. Suddenly she saw a garage up ahead and with a squeal of brakes she pulled up in the forecourt and dashed into the ladies' toilet. Five minutes later she emerged to find the motor-cycle policeman waiting for her. With a sweet smile she said, 'I bet you thought I'd never make it in time.'

[EvilSpaghetti]

Magistrate: 'But if you saw the lady driving towards you, why didn't you give her half the road?'
Motorist: 'I was going to, Your Honour, as soon as I could find out which half she wanted.'

[EvilSpaghetti]

Two contestants on a TV game show were in the final round. Mr. Cohn was way ahead of Mr. Schine, but just as the buzzer was rung, Schine slipped ahead, and won! When asked what prize he wanted, he stated that he wanted a horse. The game show host asked why, and was told : I want a horse so I can name it 'Harvest Moon.' Then I can have a portrait painted, and call it "Schine on Harvest Moon."

[EvilSpaghetti]

Dracula met Frankenstein in the street one day. Drackie says to Frankie; "You know, you're better than all my friends put together.......Come to think of it, you ARE all my friends put together!"

[EvilSpaghetti]

Two boys went out duck hunting for the first time. They were out in the cold morning for hours, and though ducks were everywhere they hadn't been able to get even one. Finally, one boy says to the other, "Maybe we ought to give this up." The other replies, "Naw, let's give it a while longer."
"C'mon, let's face it, we just ain't duck hunters."
"Well, let's keep trying. Maybe we're just not throwing the dogs up high enough."

[EvilSpaghetti]

Two atoms are sitting next to each other and one says, "I lost an electron."
The other asks, "Are you sure?"
"Yeah," the first replies. "I'm positive."

[EvilSpaghetti]

Two roaches were munching on garbage in an alley. "I was in that new restaurant across the street," said one. "It's so clean! The kitchen is spotless, the floors are gleaming white. It's so sanitary the whole place shines." "Please," said the other roach, frowning. "Not while I'm eating!"

[EvilSpaghetti]

Waiter: may I serve you?
Customer: yes,last week I had some yummy soup I would like to eat that.
Waiter: what is the soup called?
Customer: I don't know, something?
Waiter:Here's your something soup. It had eyeballs in it.

[Noxide]

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