Funnies

[DipShyt]

How's this one M8?

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[DipShyt]

Isn't this just typical
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[summi14]

How's this one M8?

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i dont wanna know about that boy now!

[CrEiZi]

[Kevin]

To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine and to my friends who don't.

As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is
freedom and in water there is bacteria.

In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have
demonstrated that if we drink 1 litre of water each day, at the end of
the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli,
(E. coli) - bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming
1 kilo of poop.

However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or
tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go
through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

Remember: Water = Poop, Wine = Health.

Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid than to drink
water and be full of ****.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information: I'm doing
it as a public service.

[GoFish]

On getting even !!!
One December day we found an old straggly cat at
our door. She was a sorry sight. Starving, dirty,
smelled terrible, skinny and hair all matted down.
We felt sorry for her, put her in a carrier and
took her to the vet. We didn't know what to call
her, so we named her "Pussycat". The vet decided to
keep her for a day or so. He said he would let us
know when we could come and get her

My husband (the complainer) said, "OK, but
don't forget to wash her, she stinks." He reminded
the vet that it was his WIFE (me) who wanted the
dirty cat, not him. My husband and my vet don't
see eye to eye.
The vet calls my husband 'El-Cheap-O and my
husband calls the vet 'El-Charge-O'. They love to
hate each other and constantly 'snipe' at one
another, with my husband getting in the last word on
this particular occasion.

The next day my husband had an appointment
with his doctor, who is located in the same
building, next door to the vet. The MD's waiting
room was full of people waiting to see the doctor.
A side door opened and the vet leaned in - he
had obviously seen my husband arrive. He looked
straight at my husband and in a loud voice said,
"Your wife's pussy doesn't stink any more and it's
finally clean and shaved, so she now smells like a
rose.
Oh, and by the way, I think she's pregnant.
God only knows who the father is!" Then he
closed the door.
Now THAT, my friends, is called "getting
even!"

[Kevin]

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....................

[Noxide]

Good one Barb!!!

Do you people think all these signs are real or made up?

Oh and by the way Kevin, please don't do anymore research!!!

[summi14]

yea they all are really good ones!

[Noxide]

A Department of Agriculture representative stopped at a farm and talked
with an old Afrikaans farmer.

He told the farmer, 'I need to inspect your farm.'

The old Afrikaner said, 'OK Boet, but don't go in that field over there.'

The Agriculture representative said, 'Mister, I have the authority of
the Government with me. See this card? The card means I am allowed to go WHEREVER I WISH on any agricultural land. No questions asked or
answered.
Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?'

The old farmer nodded politely and went about his farm chores.

Later, the old farmer heard loud screams and saw the Agriculture Rep
running for the fence and close behind was the farmer's huge-horned prize bull.
The bull was gaining on the Agriculture Rep with every step.
The Rep was clearly terrified, so the old farmer immediately threw down
his tools, ran to the fence and shouted out.....

'Your card! Your card, Boet! Show him your card!'