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22-11-2007, 08:29 AM #521
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22-11-2007, 02:47 PM #522
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22-11-2007, 03:03 PM #523
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22-11-2007, 03:57 PM #524
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Originally Posted by Noxide
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Give me their number please Kevin...
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23-11-2007, 08:43 AM #525
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Four married guys go fishing. After an hour, the following conversation took place:
First guy: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend.
I had to promise my wife that I would paint every room in the house next weekend."
Second guy: "That is nothing, I had to promise my wife that I would build her a new deck for the pool."
Third guy: "Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I would remodel the kitchen for her.
They continue to fish. When they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word, they asked him "You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come fishing this weekend. What's the deal?"
Fourth guy: "I just set my alarm for 5:30 am. When it went off, I shut off my alarm, gave the wife a slap on her behind and said "fishing or sex?", and she said "wear sun-block".
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23-11-2007, 08:50 AM #526
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23-11-2007, 09:24 AM #527
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Now that just wouldn't work with my "manager" Originally Posted by Noxide
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23-11-2007, 12:03 PM #528
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In Honour of Stupid People
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:
On Pick n' Pay's peanuts -- 'Warning: contains nuts.'
(talk about a news flash)
On ClicksChildren Cough Medicine-- 'Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.'
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year-olds with head-colds off those bulldozers.)
On a WoolworthsBread Pudding
'Product will be hot after heating.'
(...and you thought????...)
On a Clicks hair dryer - Do not use while sleeping.
(That's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
On a bag of Simba Chips -
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary!
Details inside.
(the shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Dove soap -
'Directions: Use like regular soap.'
(and that would be???....)
On some Checkers frozen dinners -
'Serving suggestion: Defrost.'
(please note that it's just a suggestion.)
On the packaging of a Rowenta iron -
'Don't iron clothes on body.'
(but wouldn't this save me time?)
On Nytol Sleep Aid -- 'Warning: May cause drowsiness.'
(..I'm taking this because???....)
On some brands of Christmas lights of Eastern origin:
'For indoor or outdoor use only.'
(As opposed to what?)
On a Japanese food processor:
'Not to be used for the other use.'
(Now, somebody out there, please help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
Instructions on a SA Airways packet of peanuts -
[1] Open packet;
[2] Eat nuts.
(Step 3: say what?)
On a child's Superman costume:
'Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.'
(Don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a German chainsaw ...
'Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.'
(Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
On Woolworth's Tiramisu dessert (printed on the bottom)
'Do not turn upside down.'
(well...duh, a bit late, huh!)
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23-11-2007, 12:08 PM #529
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Just for you Noxide
A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, & noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards.
The man, who was a priest, said. "I am a Father."
The little boy replied. "My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that."
The priest looked up from his book and answered. "I am the Father of many."
The boy said. "My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren & he doesn't wear his collar that way!
The priest, getting impatient, said. "I am the Father of hundreds" & went back to reading his book.
The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over & said:
"Maybe you should wear a condom & your pants backwards instead of your collar."
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23-11-2007, 12:22 PM #530
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