Funnies

[Noxide]

Too bad i can't rep you again!!!

Thanks Chris!! Don't worry about it.

[DipShyt]

KLEIN PIET comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores.

'Not yet,' said the little boy. His mother tells him he can't have any breakfast until he does his chores.
Well, he's a little ticked off, so he goes to feed the chickens, and kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig.

He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.
'How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have milk in my cereal?' he asks.
'Well,' his mother says, 'I saw you kick the chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon, for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so, for a week you aren't getting any milk.'

Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the pussycat as he's walking into the kitchen.

KLEIN PIET looks up at his mother with a smile, and says, 'Are you going to tell him, or should I?

[Noxide]

A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant
operated by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he walked in,
sat down and looked over the menu: Raw Tourist: $5.00 Broiled
Missionary: $10.00 Fried Explorer: $15.00 Baked Liberal or Grilled
Conservative: $100.00 The guy called his friend over and asked, "Why
such A huge price difference for the politicians? " The cook replied,
"Have you ever tried to clean one? They're so full of ****, it takes
all morning."

[Noxide]

A scientist named Walter invented a shrinking ray. He tried it on
himself, and it worked. Unfortunately he couldn't reverse the process,
and he was stuck being the size of a normal man's thumb. He had a
loyal lab assistant who worked with him, though, so his diminutive
size didn't affect Walter's work too much. Still, after a while,
Walter began to long for female companionship. His lab assistant
thought up a highly unethical plan. He planned to get a couple of
ladies of the night, shrink them down to Walter's size, and keep them
shrunk until they could figure out a way to reverse the process. The
lab assistant went to Times Square and tried to get the young ladies,
but it was trickier than it seemed. They were reluctant to travel all
the way to the lab, but the lab assistant offered to double their
usual rate, so they finally agreed. As soon as they stepped into the
lab, the assistant turned on the shrinking ray. There was a flash of
light and a puff of smoke, and when the air had cleared --- the
prostitutes were exactly the same size as they were before. "What's
the big idea? Eek!" One of the prostitutes saw Walter scurrying across
the floor and squashed him flat with her shoe. Walter was dead, and
the experiment was ruined. This was all because the lab assistant
forgot what everyone already knows: ... You can lead the whores to
Walter, but you can't make 'em shrink.

[Noxide]

What happened to the Pope when he went to Mount Olive?
Popeye almost killed him!

[Noxide]

Why do they say that eating yogurt and oysters will improve your sex life?
Because if you'll eat that stuff, you'll eat anything.

[Noxide]

How many perverts does it take to put in a light bulb?
Just one, but it takes the entire emergency room to get it out!

[Noxide]

Hear the slogan for the Stealth Condom?
"They'll never see you coming."

[Noxide]

A bloke sees his local quack about an embarrassing.
problem. He says, "doc, my wife and I are into... eh... slightly unusual sex. Anyway, as a result of a fine meal and desert, several wines, and excited
passions, I've got a strawberry stuck up my bum!

The doc says, "What?"

The man says, "You heard me, I've got a strawberry stuck up my bum"

The doc says, "Oh, we that's very unusual. Not to worry..I've got
some cream for that!"

[Noxide]

Stupid People


1. Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old
man at an airport hotel after he tried to pass two
(counterfeit) $16 bills.


2. A man in Johannesburg, South Africa, shot his
49-year-old friend in the face, seriously wounding him,
while the two practiced shooting beer cans off each other's
head.


3. The Chico, California, City Council enacted a ban on
nuclear weapons, setting a $500 fine for anyone detonating
one within city limits.


4. When two service station attendants in Ionia,
Michigan, refused to hand over the cash to an intoxicated
robber, the man threatened to call the police. They still
refused, so the robber called the police and was arrested.