Funnies

[EvilSpaghetti]

what was eddie guerrero's finisher?





heart failure!

[EvilSpaghetti]

Frank is admitted to an old peoples home. he's a little lonely, so he goes in search of a friend. After wandering around for a while he meets Mabel. They strike up a friendship, every day they meet at the swimming pool and chat, just passing the time of day. One day Frank says "do you know what I miss the most about youth Mabel?" "no Frank, what?" she repies. "Sex" he says. "ooh you randy old goat!" she squawks. "not like that Mabel, I just wish sometimes that somebody would take my old chap out and hold it" Mabel doesn't think that it can do any harm, so out it comes. This continues for a week or so, nothing untoward, just gentle holding. Well one day Mabel turns up to find that Frank is missing, frantically she searches the old people home finally finding him at the back of the shed with another old woman. "Frank!" she screams "what's going on?, why are you seeing another woman?, what is it that she's got that I haven't?" Frank replies "parkinsons".

[EvilSpaghetti]

A guy gets a job at a remote mining camp. After a couple of days work, he goes into the local, has a few beers, and asks the bartender about the lack of women in the camp.

"No birds for 200 miles", replies the barman.

"What does a man do for sex?". The bartender points to a large barrel in the corner. "Put ya old fella in the hole. Any day except Thursday". The guy wanders over & does as he's told.

Within two minutes, he's got his end away. "Christ, that's not bad!", he thinks.

He returns the next two nights, and gets the same result. The third night, he asks the barman if the barrel is free. "Like I said, any day except Thursdays".

"Why Thursdays?", the guy asks.

"Thursday's your day in the barrel".

[EvilSpaghetti]

How many women does it take to decorate a room?




Depends how thinly you slice them

[EvilSpaghetti]

Why do men fart more than women?



Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

[EvilSpaghetti]

Jack and Jill
went up the hill
to have some hanky-panky.

But silly Jill
forgot her pill
and now there's little Franky.

[EvilSpaghetti]

A little old lady is driving her wheelchair up and down the halls of the old-folks home, making car noises. A gent steps out of his room and says "Looks like you were going a bit fast. Can I see your liscense?"
The lady hands him a grocery receipt and he looks at it for a bit and says "Well I'll give you a warning this time, but slow it down a bit."
The lady resumes wheeling the halls making car noises.
The man steps out again and says "your plates expired. Can I see your registration?"
She hands him a napkin and he looks at it and says "I'll let you off with a warning this time, but be careful."
She zooms off and this time the man comes out his room stark naked sporting an erection. The lady says "Oh no! Not the breathalyzer again."

[EvilSpaghetti]

How can you tell if an essex girl has been at your PC ?
Tippex all over the screen !

[EvilSpaghetti]

A Russian, a Mexican and a Texan are sitting on the edge of a cliff. The Russian has a bottle of vodka, the Mexican has a bottle of tequila, and the Texan has a six pack of beer.

The Russian stands up and throws the bottle of vodka over the cliff. When the others protest, he says "In mother Russia, we have plenty of vodka."

So the Mexican stands up and throws the bottle of tequila over the cliff. "In Mexico," he says, "we have plenty of tequila."

So the Texan stands up and throws the Mexican over the cliff. "In Texas, we have plenty..."

[EvilSpaghetti]

What do you call a fat woman with a yeast infection?


A whopper with cheese