Funnies

[Kevin]

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[Noxide]

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Ya, but does the Pope!!??

[Noxide]

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Q: Why do men walk more and women talk more?

A: Coz men have three legs and women have four lips! ()

A man stands nude in front of a mirror, looks at himself and says:
2 inches more & I'll be a king.
His wife sitting behind says:
2 inches less & you'll be a queen.


Wife asked her husband how many women he had slept with.
Husband proudly replies: "Only you darling, with others I was awake!!!

[DipShyt]

Wife asked her husband how many women he had slept with.
Husband proudly replies: "Only you darling, with others I was awake!!!

Ouch!

[DipShyt]

25 Ways to tell you’re grown up…

1. Your houseplants are alive & you can’t smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in your fridge.
4. 6am is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favourite song in an elevator.
6. You watch the weather channel.
7. Your friends marry & divorce instead of “hook up” & “break up”.
8. You go from 130 days vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans & a sweater no longer qualify as “dressed up”.
10. You’re the one calling the cops because “those %&@# kids next door won’t turn down the stereo”.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don’t know what time taco bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down & your car instalments go up.
14. You feed your dog science diet instead of mc Donald’s leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You take naps.
17. Dinner & a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3am would severely upset your stomach, rather than settle, your stomach.
19. You go to the pharmacy for ibuprofen & antacid, not condoms & pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer “pretty good S**T”.
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
22. “I just can’t drink the way I used to” replaces “I’m never going to drink that much again”.
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking “Oh S**T, what the hell happened?”
26. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn’t apply to you & can’t find one to save your sorry old ass. Then you forward it to a bunch of old friends ‘because you know they’ll enjoy it too. & now you know why I’m forwarding this to you…

Why are wedding dresses white?

IT MUST HAVE BEEN A VERY BRAVE MAN WHO WROTE THIS!!!!!!

IT'S EVEN A BRAVER ONE WHO FORWARDS IT !!!!!!!

Son asked his mother the following question:"Mom, why are wedding dresses white?"

The mother looks at her son and replies, "Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure.

"The son thanks his Mom and goes off to double-check this with his father.

"Dad why are wedding dresses white?" The father looks at his son in surprise and says,

"Son, all household appliances come in white."

[Noxide]

"Son, all household appliances come in white."

Tread carefully my friend...

I have to disagree though, but I won't elaborate.

[DipShyt]

Tread carefully my friend...

Who me? What did I do wrong?

I have to disagree though, but I won't elaborate.

I know you prefer yours pink & rubberized...

[Noxide]

I know you prefer yours pink & rubberized...

Not really, but thanx for making me look really desperate... (I'm engaged. The only time I'll need a blow-up is on my bachelors)

Besides, I'm out of puncture repair...

[DipShyt]

Not really, but thanx for making me look really desperate... (I'm engaged. The only time I'll need a blow-up is on my bachelors)

Besides, I'm out of puncture repair...

Only assing around M8

So when are you relinquishing your decision making rights?

[Noxide]

So when are you relinquishing your decision making rights?

We're in no rush. Want to do things right.
Only thing I'm relinquishing is a life. From now on, in Borat's words, it's HAPPY TIMES!!!