Funnies

[jmarin]

Demotivational Poster 01.jpg

Demotivational Poster 02.jpg

Demotivational Poster 03.jpg

[Lemmings]

In Memoriam


With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey", died peacefully at age 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started.

[Lemmings]

I have kleptomania,
But when it gets bad,
I take something for it.



Heaven is Where:
The Police are British,
The Chefs are Italian,
The Mechanics are German,
The Lovers are French and
It's all organized by the Swiss.

Hell is Where:
The Police are German,
The Chefs are British,
The Mechanics are French,
The Lovers are Swiss and
It's all organized by the Italians.

[Lemmings]

My short-term memory is not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my short-term memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

A bartender is just a pharmacist
With a limited inventory

The statement below is true.
The statement above is false.

I may be schizophrenic,
But at least I have each other.

Dyslexics Have More Nuf.

Reality is only an illusion
That occurs due to a lack of alcohol.

I want to die while asleep like my grandfather,
Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.

[Noxide]

Demotivational Poster 03.jpg

+Rep when I can!!

[jmarin]

Wrong E-mail Address

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day.

The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My loving wife

Subject: I've arrived

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. sure is freaking hot down here!!!!

[mix93]

[kencck]

One Chinese person walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw
> Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him,
> and asks for his autograph.. ...
> Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says "You Chinese people bombed our
> Pearl Harbor, get out of here."
> The astonished Chinese man replied "It was not the Chinese who bombed your
> Pearl Harbor , it was the Japanese".
> "Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.
> I n return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says "You sank the Titanic;
> my forefathers were on that ship."
> Shocked, Spielberg replies "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."
> The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."

[gothicvamp1888]

very funny guys

[Sephiroth]

Hmm long time no see.....