Funnies

[Noxide]

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[Kevin]

1,000 th reply

[Noxide]

1,000 th reply

I didn't even see that

[Noxide]

Fresh from my shower, I stood in front of the mirror complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small.

Instead of romantically telling me this is not true, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion: "If you want your Breasts to grow, then take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds every day"

Willing to try anything, I got a piece of toilet paper and stood in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts.

How long will this take?" I asked.

They will grow larger over a period of years," my husband replies.

I stopped. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?"

Without missing a beat he said "Worked for your bum, didn't it?"

[DipShyt]

This one will be offensive to some people...

Not you though Noxide

[Noxide]

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That Is Brilliant!!!

[DipShyt]

I thought you might enjoy it M8

[DipShyt]

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[Chris]

Grandma.jpg

[Chris]

I'm Going To Be A Builder When I Grow Up
Did you hear about little Jimmy? He is four years old.

He was bugging Mother so she said, "Jimmy, why don't you go across the street and watch the builders work. Maybe you'll learn something."

Jimmy was gone about 2 hours. When he came home his Mother asked him what he learned.

Jimmy replied, "Well, first you put the God damn door up, then the son of a b***h doesn't fit, so you have to take the c**k s****r back down. Then you have to take a cunt hair off each side and put the mother f****r back up."

Jimmy's Mother said, "you wait till your Dad comes home." WhenJimmy's dad got home, mom told him to ask Jimmy what he learned across the street. Jimmy told his dad the whole story. Dad said, "Jimmy, you go outside and get the switch."

Jimmy replied, "F**k you, that's the Electrician's job."

Old Enough To Start Cussing
Two brothers were getting dressed for school. The older one says,"I think I'm old enough to start cussing."

Younger one, "Me too. Whatcha gonna say?"

Older boy,"Dad says 'damn' a lot, so that's what I'll say."

Younger boy, "I'm gonna say 'betchyer a*s',Dad says that all the time.

They go down for breakfast, sit at the table. Mom comes in, says to the older one,"What would you like for breakfast dear?"

He replies, "Gimme a damn bowl of Fruit Loops."

Mom knocks older son off his chair, turns to younger one,"And what would YOU like for breakfast?"

Younger son, "Betcher a*s I don't want Fruit Loops!"

Clairvoyant Little Boy
There was once a clairvoyant little boy, who could foresee the future.One night while saying his prayers, the little boy was heard to finish,"God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma, goodbye Grandpa."The next day his grandfather dropped dead of a heart attack.
A few weeks later, the little boy was praying, "God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, goodbye Grandma." The next day his poor grandmother was hit by a bus while crossing the street -- she never felt a thing.

A month or so later, the little boy was praying and said, "God blessMommy, goodbye Daddy."

His father panicked. He had himself driven, very carefully and slowly, to work, by an armed guard in an armored security truck he hired. He couldn't concentrate, however, thinking about those words,"Goodbye Daddy." He finally came home early, but very carefully.

He was met at the front door by his wife, who said, "What do you think happened today, dear? The most awful thing -- the milkman dropped dead on the back porch."