Own lyrics, tell me what you think?

[Killer1993]

Okay, everyone.. Recently lost my girlfriend.. Was at her place today, and it was rather fun although I miss her so god damn much. So, I got home, was a little bored, and wrote a song - Not gonna sing it to you, as I have a **** voice - Just, tell me what you think - Thanks

[VERSE 1]

In shadows we breathe, in shadows we live,

Nothing’s so bad, I can’t forgive,

But do I even have the rights to interfere?

As I close my eyes, I remember your voice,

This falling apart, was never my choice,

How do you even think I feel without you here?

I miss you like hell, hope to be with you again,

But I know that for now, you consider me your friend,

But maybe one day, when the timing is right,

This feeling of loneliness won’t kill me inside..

[CHORUS]

But when I walk these streets I fall,

Feels so empty when you’re gone, - gone..

Just a shadow on the wall,

Feels like I’m no longer one – No.

[VERSE 2]

Memories inside, want to go back in time,

Repeat that month, while repeating this rhyme,

‘Cuz nothing in this world has ever felt so true..

What future will bring, in future we’ll see,

Another good time, just you and me.

Well, that is what I am crossing my fingers for..

Because I can’t name a single, other time so well spent,

I’ll always stand up for you, and be there ‘till the end,

And maybe one day, when the timing is right,

This feeling of loneliness won’t kill me inside..

[CHORUS]

But when I walk these streets I fall,

Feels so empty when you’re gone, - gone..

Just a shadow on the wall,

Feels like I’m no longer one – No!

[BRIDGE]

It’s eating up my heart,

My feelings and my soul,

Leaving me so scarred,

In this never ending hole…

Never want to let you slip,

Holding hard on to this band,

Trying to retain my grip – now,

But this is where I stand!

[CHORUS] X2

[OUTRO]

- Thomas

[Duje]

Excellent!!!!!Great work

[Killer1993]

Haha, thanks

[joshyylawson]

i actualy realy like theese lyrics man

[Killer1993]

Thanks a lot really

[Paul]

Good lyrics...something there with the chorus which is the main part.. you should try putting some music to it.
If you play guitar try it and sing the lyrics in your head to start off to get a good beat for it.

[Killer1993]

Thanks, I will. Thanks for the feedback guys

[jmarin]

...pain can be transformed to something wonderful...
Sorry for losing your GF

[Killer1993]

Yeah, maybe.. But, gotta get through this first - Which ain't easy. Been crying every night for over a week now - And nothing improves.. Goes the wrong way actually :S

- Anyways, thanks for your sympathy

[Killer1993]

Hey again guys - So, I put up some lyrics I had written myself earlier and I'd like your feedback once again - Anything to improve, anything you like, anything you don't like?

This was actually the first lyrics I wrote, but then I came up with the "Where I stand" ones and started working on those instead. Please, don't ask me why I do this, as I have no clue. Also, not gonna upload any videos, as I have no voice at all. Anyways, this one is called "As One". Thanks in advance.

VERSE 1:
Sorrow and loss,
Torture from deep inside..

Just a matter of time,
I'm expecting the tide..

But the pain we experience never steps down,
And this feeling of emptiness, drowning the sound...

And as days melt together, I remember you're gone,
But some day you'll be here, some day we'll be one.

CHORUS:
'Cause this love never goes away, these feelings never fade,
not in a million years would I be able to hate...

You give me courage and the strength to go on,
Some day you'll be here, some day we'll be one.

VERSE 2:
I travel these roads for the twentysixth time,
feels like you walk along repeating this rhyme,

But this feeling of emptiness kills me inside,
and no word replaces, the tears that I've cried.

And as days melt together I remember you're gone,
But some day you'll be here, some day we'll be one.

CHORUS:
'Cause this love never goes away, these feelings never fade,
not in a million years would I be able to hate...

You give me courage and the strength to go on,
Some day you'll be here, some day we'll be one.

BRIDGE:
And these feelings, will once again fill me with heat,
While I feel this safety, immune to defeat.

Now life doesn't really seem so hard to come by,
with you by my side, I'll no longer cry,

And in 30 years, I'm sitting here to advice my son,
I'll sit there, and comfort him, telling him to hold on.

Cause she left him, but I tell him, she might not be gone,
And some day she'll be there, and they'll be as one..

[CHORUS]x2

Be as one.. Be as one.. As one

Not really as good as the first one - Hope you liked it though.

Best regards,
Thomas