Funnies

**tekina** · 06-12-2008, 06:55 AM

A husband and wife visit an art gallery together.They stop in front of an oil painting of a naked woman with only a few leaves covering her private parts.The husband is gazing at the painting with the utmost concentration.he stands there for a long time and is not making any move to leave.Finally losing her patience,his wife shouts: "Are you going to stand here until autumn and wait for the leaves to fall down?"

**tekina** · 06-12-2008, 06:56 AM

husband #1: "whenever my wife talks about her ex-husband i get so jealous."
husband #2: "thats nothing.You should hear my wife talking about her future husband!"

**tekina** · 06-12-2008, 06:57 AM

A woman asks her neighbor: Why was your husband yelling at you angrily yesterday?"
"he was angry that i did not tell him how i spent jis money."
"why did he yell you again today?"
"because i finally told him how i spent his money!"

**tekina** · 06-12-2008, 06:58 AM

A beautiful young girl is sitting in a bar. a young man comes up to her and asks, referring to the seat next to her, " is there anyone sitting here?"
she answers loudly: " what? you want us to go to the gold bar hotel?"
" No! No! i just wanted to know if anybody was sitting here."
the girl continued michievously, " so your saying you want to go there tonight?"
seeing the useless of trying to strike up conversation with the girl,the terribly embarrased young man finds another table to sit in.the other costumers are still looking at him disdainfully.
Later the young girl comes to his table and buys him a drink.she tells him teasingly.
"i am sorry.i just wanted to see how you would react to an unexpected situation."
The young man replies loudly, "What? you think youre worth $200?"

**tekina** · 06-12-2008, 07:03 AM

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little
boy finds an earthworm trying to get back into its hole.

He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole."

The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too
wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."

The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hairspray.
He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then
he puts the worm back into the hole.

The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray, and
runs into the house. Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and
hands the little boy another five dollars.

The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars."

The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your grandma."

**tekina** · 06-12-2008, 07:11 AM

Things You Do Not Want To Hear In A Surgery

- Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?

- Hand me that... uh... whatever it's called !

- Oh no! I just lost my watch.

- "Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness"

- Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!

- Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.

- Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500 ml of this stuff before?

- There go the lights again...

- Ya' know... there's big money in kidneys... and this guy's got two of 'em.

- Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!

- Could you stop that thing from beating? It's throwing my concentration off.

- What's this doing here?

- I hate it when they're missing stuff in here.

- That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!

- Well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.

- You sure it wasn't this leg?

- OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature.

- Are his relatives waiting outside?