Funnies

[Joshua_pohan]

A lonely woman, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read:

HUSBAND WANTED!
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,
AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.

On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman with no arms or legs sitting in a wheelchair. The old woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you.... you have no legs!" The old man smiled, "Therefore I cannot run around on you!"

She snorted. "You don't have any hands either!" Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I beat you!"

She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. "Are you still good in bed?" With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beamed a big broad smile and said, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"

[Joshua_pohan]

A woman went to her priest with a problem. "Father, I have two female parrots, and they only know how to say one thing. All they ever say is, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Wanna have some fun?' "

"That's terrible!" exclaimed the priest. "But I think I can help. Bring your two female parrots over to my house, and I will put them with my two male parrots whom I taught to pray and read the Bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase, and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship."

The next day, the woman brought her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots were holding rosary beads and quietly praying in their cage. The woman put her two female parrots in the cage with the male parrots. The females said, "Hi, we're prostitutes. Wanna have some fun?"

One male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed "Put those beads away, our prayers have been answered!

[Joshua_pohan]

A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, ''If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull.''

The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, ''If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant.''

The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, ''What if your dad was a drunk and your mom was a prostitute?!''

The kid smiles and says, ''I would be a bus driver!'

[Joshua_pohan]

learnchinese.jpg
Noxide n his girl
riding-to-the-bone-store.jpg
Noxide almost pooped
poop.jpg

Sorry dude, no offense.
Oh and if sumbody already posted dis stuff pls let me know.

[Joshua_pohan]

CoorsLite[1].B.500.jpg
Someone stole lil' Noxide's fish
fish.jpg
Noxide cleaning his own poo
dog-doing-his-own-chores.jpg
Sorry dude, no hard feelings ok

[Noxide]

Is any1 here in dis thread or in dis site from indonesia....

Have a look here

Also, Noxide jokes are only for people who know me. Thank you.

[Joshua_pohan]

Have a look here

Also, Noxide jokes are only for people who know me. Thank you.

Sorry, I won't use ur name again

[summi14]

Like me..i know you lot!

[Andy]

Have a look here

Also, Noxide jokes are only for people who know me. Thank you.

lol, calm down, and its a bit hard not to notice you on the forums lol

[Noxide]

lol, calm down, and its a bit hard not to notice you on the forums lol

I am calm.... You don't want to see what rantings I'm capable of when I'm not calm... Why is it hard? Is it because the emphasis is on hard?

Anyway... Todays email...

Finally, the true story.

Some time ago, President Clinton was hosting a state dinner when, at the last minute, his regular cook fell ill, and they had to get a replacement on short notice. The fellow arrived and turned out to be a very grubby-looking man named Jon. The President voiced his concerns to his Chief of Staff but was told that this was the best they could do on such short notice.

Just before the meal, the President noticed the cook sticking his finger in the soup to taste it and again complained to the Chief of Staff, but he was told that this man was supposed to be a very good chef. The meal went okay, but the President was sure that the soup tasted a little funny. By the time dessert came, he was starting to have stomach cramps and nausea.

It was getting worse and worse until finally the President had to excuse himself from the dinner to look for the bathroom. Passing through the kitchen, he caught sight of the cook, Jon, scratching his rear end, which made him feel even worse. By now, the President was desperately ill with violent cramps and was so disorientated that he couldn't remember which door led to the bathroom.

He was on the verge of passing out from the pain when he finally found a door that opened. As he unzipped his trousers and ran in, he realized to his horror that he had stumbled into Monica Lewinsky's office with his trousers around his knees.

As he was just about to pass out, she bent over him and heard the President whisper in a barely audible voice, "Sack my cook."

And that is how the whole misunderstanding occurred.